Creating Environments That Matter

Many people are searching for community, yet few stop to consider how community forms in the first place. While we cannot force connection, belonging, or friendship, we can create environments that make those experiences more possilbe

n our last blog, To See and To Be Seen, we explored the importance of connecting more deeply with ourselves and others. Yet awareness is only the beginning...Yet awareness is only the beginning. Once we become clearer about who we are and what matters most to us, a new question emerges: How do we build lives that reflect those discoveries?.

One answer may lie in the communities we choose to participate in, the relationships we build, and the environments we create. While we cannot force connection, belonging, or friendship, we can make choices that increase the likelihood of experiencing them. And in a world where many people feel increasingly isolated despite being constantly connected, those choices matter.

The Search for Belonging

Human beings are wired for connection. We seek friendship, companionship, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging. Yet belonging is different from simply being around other people. It is possible to sit in a crowded room and feel completely alone or to participate in countless social activities and still feel disconnected.

Belonging is not about fitting in. Fitting in often requires adaptation. Belonging allows authenticity. It emerges when we feel comfortable bringing more of ourselves into a space and when the people around us feel free to do the same.

It is the sense of ease that comes from being with people who share similar values, interests, curiosities, or aspirations. It is the feeling that conversations can go deeper than small talk. It is the realization that connection can be both enjoyable and meaningful.

While belonging cannot be manufactured, some environments support it more naturally than others.

Values Create Direction

Several years ago, I identified three core values that sit at the heart of how I live: Freedom, Adventure, and Connection.

These values are not goals. They are not aspirations. They are observations. They reflect the experiences, relationships, and choices that consistently make me feel most alive. Understanding them has helped me make more intentional decisions about how I spend my time, where I direct my energy, and what opportunities I choose to pursue.

Values become useful when they help us make choices. They act as a compass, helping us recognize what aligns with who we are and what does not. While they do not eliminate uncertainty, they often provide clarity.

The clearer we become about what matters most to us, the easier it becomes to recognize opportunities that resonate. Sometimes those opportunities arrive in unexpected ways. Sometimes they emerge through conversations, friendships, and shared interests that gradually reveal themselves over time.

The Environments We Create Matter

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that while we cannot force friendship, connection, or belonging, we can create environments that make those experiences more possible.

The environments we create influence what becomes possible within them. A hurried networking event creates one kind of interaction. A family dinner creates another. The environment matters.

Hospitality matters. Curiosity matters. Shared experiences matter. Psychological safety matters. Repeated interactions matter. So does agency. People need the freedom to participate as deeply or as lightly as they choose.

When we create spaces that encourage authenticity, curiosity, generosity, and conversation, something interesting often happens. Relationships begin to form naturally, not because anyone forces them to, but because the conditions support them.

Recently, I had the opportunity to witness this in a way that surprised me.

La Mesa Viva

Over the past year, I have become friends with Pilar, a nutritionist whose work focuses on helping people live vibrant, healthy lives. During one of our many coffee conversations, she shared a desire she had been carrying for some time. She wanted to create a community centered around food, literature, art, meaningful conversation, and shared experiences.

As we continued talking, I recognized something familiar. I have always loved bringing people together. Years ago, I hosted a weekly gathering called Family Table wherever I happened to be living in the world. The experience reinforced something that I knew intuitively: life is enriched through relationships, not transactions.

Pilar and I began meeting regularly. We talked about memorable gatherings we had attended and hosted. We discussed what made them special and nerded out about food and cookbooks. We explored ideas, possibilities, and questions.

What if?

Who would we invite?

How could we create something intimate enough to encourage meaningful conversation while keeping it simple and enjoyable to host?

At the time, summer was approaching. I would soon be leaving Spain for several months, and Pilar's family was preparing for a move. We realized that if we didn't begin before I left, we might not do anything for months.

So we made a decision.

We would host three gatherings before summer and learn from the experience.

From there, the details began to emerge. The name came first: La Mesa Viva—The Living Table. We settled on a six-person format: Pilar and me plus four guests, each of us inviting two guests. Small enough to encourage participation. Large enough to create energy and diversity of perspectives. Simple enough to host without creating unnecessary work.

While we had hopes for what might emerge, neither of us could have predicted what happened next.

More Than a Shared Meal

Before our first gathering, Pilar and I were excited and curious. We hoped people would enjoy themselves. We hoped the conversations would be interesting. Beyond that, we had very few expectations.

What happened surprised us.

Guests connected quickly. Conversations deepened naturally. People listened to one another with genuine curiosity. The atmosphere felt relaxed, warm, and welcoming. Individuals who had never met before engaged as though they had known one another for years.

One of the most memorable moments came when a friend traveled from Bilbao to attend. During the gathering, she shared stories about her interest in community living and the small casita she was building in Brazil with a friend. As she spoke, the entire table became captivated. Questions flowed effortlessly. Ideas emerged. People imagined possibilities together. For a moment, everyone was transported somewhere beyond the table itself.

At the end of the gathering, several guests immediately asked when the next one would be.

That response continued after subsequent gatherings.

Conversations extended beyond the meals. Guests introduced one another to friends. Ideas were exchanged. Plans were made. One particularly memorable thread involved kombucha, as people from different gatherings began sharing resources, recommendations, and connections. Relationships were beginning to form in ways we had hoped.

What seemed to resonate most wasn't the food, although the food was exceptional. It wasn't the setting, although all three locations overlooked the Mediterranean Sea. It was something deeper.

People felt nourished beyond the meal itself. They felt connected, welcomed, and perhaps most importantly, they experienced a sense of belonging.

Creating Lives That Reflect Who We Are

Looking back, I don't believe La Mesa Viva emerged because Pilar and I set out to build a community. If anything, it emerged because we were paying attention. We recognized values we shared, interests we enjoyed exploring together, and experiences we wanted more of in our own lives. We made choices that aligned with those discoveries and created an environment that reflected them. The rest was left to the people who gathered around the table.

That distinction feels important. The goal was never to manufacture relationships or engineer outcomes. We could not decide who would connect, what conversations would unfold, or what relationships might continue beyond a particular gathering. Those choices always belonged to the individuals around the table. What we could do was create an environment that encouraged curiosity, generosity, conversation, and authentic connection. What emerged from those conditions continues to inspire us.

Perhaps this is true in other areas of life as well. When we become clearer about what matters to us, we often begin making different choices. Over time, those choices influence the environments we create and the communities we participate in. While there are no guarantees, they often increase the likelihood of experiencing the very things many people are seeking: meaningful connection, a sense of belonging, and relationships that enrich our lives.

As for La Mesa Viva, Pilar and I continue to learn from each gathering. What began as a conversation over coffee has evolved into a growing community of people who value meaningful connection, shared experiences, curiosity, and belonging. We don't know exactly what it will become, and for now, that feels perfectly fine. Some things reveal themselves over time.

As you reflect on your own life, I invite you to consider where you experience the greatest sense of belonging. Which relationships, experiences, and communities make you feel most alive, most curious, and most yourself? What values are reflected in those spaces? And what small step might you take to cultivate more of that in your own life?

If the idea resonates with you, perhaps one day you will find yourself seated at a La Mesa Viva gathering. Or perhaps you will be inspired to create one of your own.

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Jeneen Masih writes about the human foundations of meaningful lives — offering accessible insight for sophisticated thinkers.